Are you making yourself SMALL? Knock it off NOW.

It is a wonderful thing to be able to look at yourself and have a good laugh. Just don’t do it professionally. Sadly, self-deprecation screams that you are a) insecure and/or b) not up to the job. We often do it because we are insecure, but just it is often done as a way of “proving” that you aren’t arrogant or too big for your britches. Subconsciously, you are making yourself seem just a bit more human, but it is actually making you smaller and less effective.

This gets all tangled up with the notorious “impostor syndrome,” the fear or power and/or the fear of success. If you feel like an impostor, you may fear others will discover that you really aren’t up to the job. If you fear power, you don’t want to come on too strong, appear too pushy, and may still struggle with the traditional dynamic that men are aggressive/strong/commanding/domineering while women are cooperative/nurturing/collaborative/nice. And, finally, the fear of success. Many women, on some level, believe they don’t deserve the success they have manifested, so they subconsciously do things to sabotage their success.

One thing you can correct immediately is joking at your own expense. If you do it extremely rarely, it might provide a much-needed moment of levity or humor. But the point is, rarely. Not once a week or even once a month.

If someone praises or compliments you, accept it – don’t minimize it. If someone says, “Great job!” don’t respond with “I have to give credit to my team.” Just say, “Thanks.” And, when the time comes, give credit to the team. If someone praises what you’ve done, don’t say what you could have done better. 

Self-deprecation and talking small are not signs of humility. They brand you as “less than.”

Beyond that, use power language, not qualifiers. Don’t begin a sentence with, “I think,” “What if we,” “Would it make sense if,” “I may be mistaken on this, but…” Just say what you want to say instead of minimizing it. “We should change the timetable” is far more effective than, “I think we should change the timetable” or sticking any of the other qualifiers in front of the idea.

Why would someone want to trust their project, their company, their money, their time and their own success on someone who is not confident? Would anyone want to bet on someone who thinks they might be up to the task, kinda sorta? Or would they rather bet on someone who knows they are up to it?

If you don’t KNOW you are up to the task, REMEMBER THIS: Plenty of people start great careers unsure they are “all that.” They wonder if they really have what it takes. And, you know what they do? They fake it. You’ve heard “Fake it ’til you make it.” Well, that’s how it goes. If you are unsure of yourself, act like you are sure and you will grow into your strong self. But don’t advertise your weaknesses! You will (hopefully) be growing into your strongest and most powerful self from this moment until you die. Don’t cut yourself down, don’t advertise your weaknesses. Be bold.