Admit it. It’s been awhile since you thought, “Gee, I really like who I am. I look great. I’m smart. I do a terrific job.”

No, we usually harp on all the ways we fall short. Apparently, we prefer thinking, “How did I ever let myself get this fat?” or, “I’m looking old,” or “I’ll never be able to do that.” We routinely criticize ourselves with never-ending streams of meanness that we would never inflict on anyone we know, not even a stranger or an enemy. We crave validation from others, but seldom acknowledge that the only validation that counts comes from within. We put off liking ourselves, thinking that our self-esteem issues will vanish once we reach that magic number on the scale or just accomplish this or that or the other thing.

But here’s the rub. There is always some reason to beat yourself up until you realize that negative voice is just a mean trick your brain is playing on you.

Low self-esteem can be triggered by criticism or failure—or astonishingly—by flattery or success. If you ever feel you aren’t smart enough or think you are not beautiful enough or are just not good enough, you’ve suffered from it. You won’t give yourself the same breaks you’ll give others, and you keep pounding on yourself because of it. More important—a lack of confidence in yourself manifests in your life in many ways.

Usually, it starts when we look in the mirror, and that’s how we all start our day. So imagine what that kind of negativity does to your professional confidence when personal negativity is the first and last thing you think every day? A recent national study by Allure magazine found that nearly 60 percent of all women don’t like their appearance, compared with 74 percent of all men. Another study found that 91 percent of all women are unhappy with their body shape, and only five percent have the type of body we see most in the media.

The negativity spirals from there. Once we decide we don’t look good enough, we start telling ourselves we aren’t smart enough, too. No promotion, no raise, no award, no recognition, no relationship is going to fix what is broken inside of us. If high self-esteem is not the reward for achieving success, then we might as well give ourselves a break now.

Imagine what it would be like if you could hear all of the negative messages people around you are telling themselves all day. Think about it. The noise would never stop, and the sound of all that negative energy would show you how tragic this self-esteem crisis is. What a sad, sad way for us to live.

The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to learn to love your imperfections. There’s a difference between wanting to be good—or great—at what you do, and wanting to be perfect. There is no perfection. Just settle for being excellent. Or good. Or yourself!

Real self-esteem comes when you know you have flaws and become comfortable with that fact because you also know you are always working to improve yourself. You’ll have wins and losses in life, things you handle well and things you flub. So what? That’s life. Make peace with yourself instead of hounding yourself for falling short.