The self-help world is filled with b.s. artists, so imagine how shocked I was to wind up working in that very industry – a skeptical lifelong investigative reporter who can’t stand fakes.

But, here’s the thing: I wound up in the self-help industry because I needed help as a woman leader in a male-dominated environment: newspapers.  I had a bad bosshole as an editor who had issues with strong women and talented people and I needed to know how to find and use my power. So I started interviewing great, trailblazing women to find out what they learned the hard way.

I am not a psychologist, but over the years, I have met with, interviewed and befriended several hundred accomplished leaders and well-known trailblazers for their hard won wisdom. We’re continuing that effort now with the Hard Won Wisdom Podcast, so you get to listen in. But in two decades of interviewing Nobel Peace Prize winners, Olympic athletes, spiritual leaders, Academy Award winners, scientists, presidents, prime ministers, CEOs, Indian chiefs, astronauts and the like, I have a perspective that has changed everything about how I live my life. I’m free.

Their stories liberated me from the insecurities that I never knew had been holding me back. Learning about their struggles and self-esteem issues helped me to realize something: 1. Everybody has ups and downs and 2. Everybody has self-esteem issues. If the people we look up to are beating themselves up because they gained a few pounds or feel insecure, then those negative voices we all hear need to be ignored. It doesn’t matter if we’ve gained weight, have a bad hair day, say something stupid or trip and fall. We are fine as we are, right now.

It is my hope that the podcast will liberate you, as well. I’ve often said that every time I write book, it’s like I get a million dollars worth of free therapy, and it’s the truth. Sometimes, I learn by what has made others successful. Sometimes, I learn from what has held them back. The important thing is, I learn. I keep growing. And I never stop trying.

A million years ago, I asked my then-husband if he’d like to go out for dinner with the girls. “Naw,” he said. “You all go out and talk about things like ‘growth.’” I still laugh about that because that is something that separates a lot of men and women. Women self-evaluate and ponder where they are and where they are going. Often, we over-analyze ourselves to a fault. Some men do that too, of course, but we women look at ourselves in a way that can either be hypercritical or hyper-helpful. It’s good to know where you’ve been, how far you’ve come and where you plan to go. But don’t over-analyze to the point that you begin playing new and powerful negative tapes inside your head that remind you of where you have fallen short. Just look at how you have grown and evolved over the years.

If you have grown into the kind of individual you admire, you’ve won the game. If you don’t admire who you are, you can do two things to right your course: First, change what you need to change, and second, let go of the regret, guilt and negativity that you have felt about your shortcomings. Again, remember that you are growing. If you haven’t done it yet, now is the time to take charge of your growth process and accept responsibility for the individual you are.

I am a truly happy person because I have learned to let go of the things that aren’t important and love myself no matter what. My life has meaning. I consciously try to enjoy every minute of my day. For me, it’s never been about making a living, but making a life. I am an imperfect person who lives what is, for me, a perfect life. That’s because I have made peace with my imperfections and, even better, have come to embrace them. I don’t have to be the smartest person in the room, or the most attractive. I don’t have to be the best housekeeper or bring home the biggest paycheck. I just have to live a beautiful life, and that means disentangling myself from the negative influences that have brought me sadness or difficulties in the past. I’ve had to make my own changes, rewriting my self-talk, controlling my consumption of negative news and eliminating negative people from my life.

Every one of us has our share of dysfunction in our families, relationships, careers, and perspective. Big deal. We can fixate on the negative or get on with living. I choose living. The choice is yours. It is absolutely yours. Do you want to be happy? Then be happy. Do you want to be miserable? Then be miserable. You aren’t condemned to misery in this life, but you are forced to cope and adapt. That comes down to developing an inner fortitude and confidence that gives you the certainty that you are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws your way. Don’t seek an easy life, seek the strength to handle whatever comes.