Performance gets you in the game. Relationships make you a player.

You must deliver results, but you can’t maximize the return on your performance if you aren’t connecting with the right people and advertising your results so they can be leveraged.

If you don’t treat networking as part of your job, you will suffer for it. Networking advertises your brand, insulating you at work and leading to opportunities for advancement inside your company – and out.

There’s a reason “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” is a cliché. It’s true! It was true the first time somebody said it and it is true 100 billion times later.

How many times have you seen a less capable and less worthy individual get a job, assignment or promotion over someone far more deserving? It happens all the time. Why? Because somebody knows somebody. People go to the people they know, time and again. They may just be doing a favor. But, often times, they do it because the person they know gives them a level of comfort and security that they can’t have with an unknown player.

Beyond the fact that networking is working, networking is also work. It is hard. It means starting conversations with strangers and building connections when you would rather be doing something more enjoyable somewhere else. This kind of work is often done on your own time, and because you don’t have that much free time, you might not want to make the sacrifice.

Sometimes it is very easy to click with an individual and bring them into your network. You have a lot in common, your personalities jell, and it all works just great. But there will be occasions when you must build relationships with people with whom you have nothing in common. You may not even like the person, but if you make the effort to find some common ground, you can begin to build a relationship. It may be that you both like lacrosse. Or came from the same small corner of Kentucky. Whatever. There is always something that can connect

Don’t be intimidated as you do this. You are as good as anybody else. You are just as deserving of success and opportunity. You can connect with anybody. Ask them to lunch. And, remember to befriend high-ranking women who may seem unapproachable. Many of them are one of just a few women where they are, or maybe the only one. You can show respect for an individual’s position and accomplishments without falling all over yourself and sacrificing the dignity that comes by knowing you are equal to everyone, regardless of what they have accomplished.

Granted, that will take a little practice. But remember this: People in positions of great power also are in positions that leave them isolated and lonely. I am thinking of four senior, senior executives who have confided their troubles to me and told me that they don’t have anyone to talk to. Well, they can talk to me. I’ll listen. And put yourself in a position where they can talk to you. They might not share work-related confidences, but they will appreciate the chance to talk to another good human being who isn’t all giddy and gooey about meeting someone of their stature.

It’s all about the network.

We used to complain (and still complain) about the Old Boys’ Club, but that old network was pretty effective. It guarded an ugly status quo for way too long, and effectively shut women and minorities out of opportunities for generations. Well, the sisters have moved up and are diversifying the ranks. Still, you can’t take advantage of the opportunities they can create for you if you a) don’t know the right people, b) don’t cultivate those relationships and c) don’t tell them what you need from them.

We were raised not to make others uncomfortable, so we fear asking for favors be- cause we don’t want to put anybody out. But, people like doing favors for other people. It makes them feel valuable and worthy. It’s almost like you are doing them a favor by asking for a favor.

Seriously, what is the worst thing that can happen if you ask someone for help? They won’t help you. You will get far more yesses than nos.

So if you need guidance, ask for guidance. If you need a recommendation, ask for
a recommendation. If you need a job, for goodness’ sake, ask for a job. Why did the Old Boys’ Club work so well for so long? Because the old boys worked it. It is time for us to start working our own network. By leveraging its power, we create power. By giving other women opportunities, we clear the way for our own opportunities to grow. By supporting others, we gain their support.

It is all very, very simple.